Loertscher ABCs for 2009

A

Airports. Where Steve loves to hang out, trying not to eat a Cinnabon or watch Headline news. Steve recently spent ten hours in the Atlanta Airport because his connection was canceled and delayed and eventually rerouted to a different destination and...never mind. It’s not that interesting and he’s already complained about it to everyone who might pretend to listen.

Amy. Amy recently turned ten. She is an amazing kid. Helpful, responsible, resourceful, kind, loving, a great student, an artist, a beautiful voice and blazing through her piano books, Amy has many gifts. Memorizing math facts—not so much. But then hey, nobody’s perfect!

B

Bored. What Grandma Linda was while she watched a very pregnant Rebecca not have a baby for a week this year in April. Not even a morning of hiking around the Alamo in the heat made that baby come. The baby finally came the day before Grandma flew back to Idaho. See also “Elizabeth” below. Bored is also what Bryan says he always is, which John has apparently decided is pretty cool because he’s saying it now, along with “It’s not fair,” another Bryan-ism.

Breakfast Burritos: This is what our scout troop has on very campout, causing the boys to consider changing names from the “Beaver Patrol” to the “Tortilla Patrol.”

Bryan. Just when the parents thought their offspring couldn’t get any more interesting, number five started to grow up...and constantly amazes us with his creativity, intelligence, and personality. Bryan is hard to describe, he needs to be experienced. Also known for asking a one-star general, “How do you know all of our names?” during a promotion ceremony (see “Major”).

C

Carolyn. Balloon twisting. Face painting. Sculpting with wire. Sketching on her sketch pad. These are all things Carolyn is often found doing. Now that Carolyn is 12, she is our second babysitter, which makes the parents (and David) exceedingly happy. She likes to paint, read, paint the faces of family and friends, twist balloons, smile, sing, play piano, draw, and much, much more! The whole family got a new video camera for Christmas, so she plans to make great strides with that by making amusing movies with friends. She likes P.G. Wodehouse stories about Jeeves and Wooster. (By this time you can get a pretty good idea on what kind of kid she is! ) She has started origami, and loves to create things with paper, including, gremlins, chocolate covered ants , dragons, flying dogs, walking boats, and a whole lot more! (This report was created by Carolyn herself!)

Co-op. We are involved in a homeschool co-op this year that most of the children enjoy very much (party poopers will not be identified). We meet weekly and the moms teach each other’s children. The little boys do crafts and preschool type stuff, Lauren does history and science, and the older three do art, psychology, and economics. Rebecca teaches music to the younger children as her contribution to the co-op.

Conversation. What we try to have at the dinner table, although it often goes something like this:

Amy: (after ten minutes) “And that was the end of my dream, and I woke up!”

Lauren: (randomly, frowning) “You said you saw a walnut drummer talent fairy in your dream. They don’t really have those.”

Amy: (getting angry) “Yes they do. You just don’t remember.”

Mom: (trying to help the so-called-conversation along) “That’s an interesting dream Amy.

I would have never thought of that in a million years.”

Bryan: (randomly) “Mom, did you know that if a million kids stood on top of each other, they would reach almost to the moon?”

David: (our new physical science expert, annoyed) “Bryan, any of those kids really reached outer space, the internal pressure that keeps their heads equalized under the Earth’s atmosphere would make their heads explode.”

Bryan: “Hmmm.”

Mom: (Holding head in hands) “When is daddy coming home?” (See “Travel” and “Airports”)

Corpus Christi. Where we took a mini-vacation for the second year in a row (see “Granny”). We had a great time and can’t wait to go back next year!

D

David. Dad told me to type a few sentences about how I`m the best kid this side of the galaxy. Well, here goes. Probably the highlight of my year was getting a Wii for Christmas, accompanied by going to Church on Sunday and getting “Arguing with Idiots”, Glenn Beck’s awesome book, for Christmas . My Lego Star Wars collection is expanding all the time. Last time I checked, it included three Millennium Falcons (I`ve made a few special modifications myself), three X-wing Fighters, two Y-wing Star fighters, two Snow speeders, a Tie Fighter, a Tie Interceptor, Darth Vader’s Tie Fighter, a Imperial Landing Craft, a complete Echo Base, and a B-wing star fighter. It may not look like much but it’s got it where it counts, kid.

Dog. We got a new one of these last winter. Sadly, it was advertized as housetrained, but we quickly found out the opposite was true. The new dog didn’t stick around long enough to lose the antecedent adjective, and found a new home (we hope) after three weeks (see “Pound”). A very pregnant Rebecca then spent weeks steam cleaning area rugs. Steve learned once again that his favorite kind of dog is the kind that belongs to someone else.

E

Elizabeth. New baby Elizabeth Catherine joined our family April 24 of this year. She was a week over due and finally came through induction. A very easy delivery and our beautiful baby girl was finally here! She was 9 lb. 4 oz. For some reason, we’ve given her the nickname “Bun.” She is so grown up already, and source of constant delight to all family members.

F

Facebook. Steve found many of Rebecca’s old college roommates and friends from the many wards we have lived in, and she was hooked. Unlike everyone else on the planet, we don’t play Farmville, so there’s no need to tell us about the lonely cow or ugly duckling you found that needs a home.

Fairies. Disney’s latest marketing ploy took our house by storm this year. Thank goodness (sort of) we’re able to get the books from the public library. We asked Lauren to help us find a “Christmas Newsletter Talent” (see “Very Late” below), but there weren’t any hanging around the Home Tree, so we were on our own.

Family portrait. What our family seems to be unable to take a good one of. Rebecca spent over a month planning a special family Christmas picture...matching dresses for the little girls...matching jackets for the boys...matching cardigans for the big girls...matching sweaters for mommy and daddy. Then Amy cried three hours’ worth of tears in ten minutes that morning because mother insisted she brush her hair thoroughly (see “Hair”), and John wouldn’t hold still, and the baby wouldn’t look at the camera, and the lighting wasn’t right...you can see the amusing results on this blog.

Food storage. What we finally got enough of.

Friday nights. What Steve and Rebecca (and the kids) look forward to every week...date night! Chipotle, anyone?

G

Glenn Beck. What David likes to listen to while he does his algebra in the morning.

Golf. A new obsession which has taken over our home. Steven is very interested in playing but can’t seem to find the time to go. I wonder why! Steve did get a chance to play in a scramble with some guys who turned out be closet PGA tour pros, since they won in spite of Steve’s tendency to “fade” his shots to the right (a tad). David and Amy are doing a youth golf clinic on base over the Holidays.

Granny. Rebecca’s 83-year-old grandmother, Granny Robinson, came to see us for two weeks this fall. Having recently survived some major health crises, including several types of cancer and accompanying surgeries and treatments, we were grateful she was up to it. We spent three days in Corpus Christi and had lots of fun.

H

Hard drive. What we got a new one of when our last one crashed, taking our newsletter from last winter with it (See “Very late”). The problem with the computer actually turned out to be the EIDE controller on the mother board (which was charred by some sort of short), so we pretty much had to start from scratch.

Hair. What mother has a lot less of and the three big girls have a lot more of. A new baby meant ten minutes flat ironing the ‘do was no longer an option, so Rebecca decided it was time to cut it off. What a relief! The girls have wanted long hair for years, but mother’s rule is big hair=big care. Summary: if you can’t keep it clean and brushed, you aren’t old enough to have long hair. I guess they’re finally old enough. Usually. (See “Family Portrait”)

Hippopotamus: An animal Lauren loves to read about. (See “Lauren.”)

Homeschool. What we’re doing...again...our eighth year.

I

Idaho. Where our family went for Christmas last year on the spur of the moment, which is the excuse we’re making as to why no one received last year’s photo newsletter from 2008. It was a wonderful, 3500-mile whirlwind trip filled with cousins, in-laws, and blizzards.

Idaho, part 2. Where our family plans to go this coming summer for up to a month. The kids will be thrilled beyond words to see their cousins.

Indian food. What Steve loves whenever he can get it, specifically chicken tikka masala.

J

John. A very resourceful three-year-old. Christmas day, after eating all of his own candy, John secretly devoured his brother’s stocking candy and ate half of his Blue Diamond smoked almonds. The next day, John got up earlier than his big sister Carolyn (not hard to do) and ate all the remaining Lindor truffles from her Christmas stocking. This wasn’t discovered until later, but it explained why he said “I’m sick” all morning, refused breakfast, and later went to sleep for two hours. John is pretty spunky (we used to lovingly call him “Atilla”) and he loves the Pixar movie “Cars.” Kachow!

K

Kate the Karate. An imaginary hero of Lauren’s invention. She’s a heavily armed martial arts expert with supernatural powers who combats “Doo,” an arch villain of Bryan’s invention whose favorite color is yellow. Don’t ask why; you don’t want to know. Sounds like these kids need to watch more “Dora the Explorer.”

Knees. Steve’s are getting old and creaky, and he’s had to cut back on his basketball exploits in an effort to get 12 more years of running out of them so he can stay in the Air Force long enough to retire, which sources say he’s planning to do. See also “Golf.”

L

Lauren. She’s seven these days and in the second grade. Her reading has improved tremendously this year and she’s been immersed in reading “George and Martha” and “Magic Treehouse” stories. She’s very creative (see “Kate the Karate”), and loves to draw. She also loves helping with Baby Elizabeth and in the kitchen, and is a joy to have in our family.

Laptop. What David thinks he needs and his parents gently suggest he earn the money for.

Legos. David’s obsession for the past eight years. Maybe he’ll lose his interest in them by the time he’s old enough to date, but we’re not holding our breath. Instead, we’re thinking about buying stock in the company. (See also "Star Wars")

M

Major. Steven’s new rank in the military as of March this year. A general was in town and officiated at the pin-on ceremony, much to Rebecca’s consternation, as this meant she had to keep six kids completely quiet and solemn for a long ceremony while she was 36 weeks pregnant. The general kindly commented that our little boys were “pistols” after his interview with them. Sigh. At least no one threw up.

Mosquitoes. We have tons of them in our yard. You can’t take out the trash without getting attacked six months of the year. They keep the kids from playing outside most of the summer.

Moving. What we did twice this year while they renovated the kitchen and laundry area in our on-base house. We didn’t have to completely move out, but it was still a major project. Six weeks later we moved back in. Rebecca might recover by next summer. Bonus—it’s fun to have a nice new kitchen and more cupboards than she really needs for the first time in nine years.

N

The National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA). What Steve knows more about than he cares to, since it’s what he spends about half of his time worrying about at work.

Normalcy. What Rebecca has been wondering will ever return since the birth of baby number 7.

O

One Hundred. How hot it was for 60 days in a row in San Antonio. Our relatives in Arizona won’t be sympathetic, but hey, it’s a humid heat around here. Steve discovered why you can take the whole family to play golf on base in the summer for about $5: you run the risk of burning your hands on your club handles.

Organized. Rebecca is wondering whether this will ever describe us again since the birth of baby number 7 and two half-moves in six weeks. We did throw away some of our junk drawer stuff from three moves ago, so we’re calling that progress.

P

P.G. Wodehouse. An author whose “Jeeves and Wooster” stories the three big kids love listening to on audio book and watching on A&E DVDs. “Ha jolly ha with knobs on,” as Bertie Wooster would say to his cousin “Stiffy” Bing.

Pacifiers. After six kids, Rebecca finally discovered the joy of the pacifier. The new baby took to it like a champ and how wonderful it is! Recently the little sweetie woke up too early from a nap, spied the “pacie” on the pillow in front of her face, popped it in and went right back to sleep. Although we lose them at an unbelieveable rate, they are well worth the investment.

Paul Shanklin. One of the kids favorite musical artists, although his songs require a lot of explanation about the political climate of the 1990s. Does this count as a history lesson?

Piano. The only lessons we’re currently taking. All three children have improved so much during the last year, and love their teacher. They all recently had a recital and did a lovely job. David is the only “man” in the ward who can play any sort of hymn (the priesthood brethren have sung the same few hymns (you guessed it, “Sweet Hour of Prayer” and “Choose the Right”) each week all year, but David is thinking about branching out).

Polymer. A science kit Carolyn got for Christmas has part of our kitchen full of this yucky, slimy, rubbery stuff. If you need a birthday present calculated to settle a personal vendetta against someone for inviting your child to the fourth birthday party in two weeks (!), let us know and we’ll tell you where you can find it.

Pool. Really, the only place to hang out for the hot Texas summer. Steven taught Lauren and Bryan to mostly swim this summer, saving the family budget a chunk of change and having fun in the process. Carolyn gloried in her ability to go to the pool by herself (kids have to be 11) and attended often, perfecting her dives and completely wearing out her only cute, modest swimsuit.

Pound. See “Dog.”

Q

Quiet. This is what it was just before midnight on Christmas Eve. For a few hours.

R

Rebecca. Rebecca is very busy trying to keep up with schooling the kids, managing the house, and keeping her husband content and out of trouble. She still manages to read parenting books and make beautiful jewelry whenever she gets a chance. Rebecca is second counselor in the primary presidency, which gives her plenty of opportunities to exhibit her many skills and quirky sense of humor that the kids don’t get but the teachers appreciate. (Editorial comments provided by the husband.)

Reverence. What we’ve been trying to teach John all year, with seeming little effect. Although he will usually sit through a Sacrament meeting now. Although not quite on par with the miracle of feeding the 5,000, it’s close. E-mail us to ask us how!

RSV. What the four younger children contracted in November. We survived relatively unscathed...three of them ended up with double ear infections, and the baby spent a morning at the Pediatricians getting a breathing treatment.

S

Sausage. Dad started saying “Sausage!” randomly a year or so ago. No one knows what it means, but now it’s his shtick and we all expect him to say it. He got sausage for his birthday because of this.

Scout Camp. Where David spent eight days again this summer, longing for his mother and a decent roll of toilet paper. Steve was there as Scoutmaster and spent eight days longing for A/C and a decent mattress. David is currently a Star rank and will be a Life after he puts in some more time in rank and some service hours.

Singing. What we’ve heard a lot of since our two older girls joined the Texas Children’s Choir this summer. They have three hours of practice a week. This is a community choir that performs at many events. They sound absolutely amazing. The girls are looking forward to going on tour summer 2011, and in the mean time, tell their daddy that he is singing his vowels wrong, a comment that almost immediately elicits off-key sounds emitting from daddy.

Snow. What the kids miss the most about living in Texas. Although it did snow here in San Antonio for about seven minutes a month ago for the first time in 24 years. This snow flurry caused all formerly-school-work-doing children to rush outside with great swiftness, shoes forgotten, heads tilted toward the sky, squealing with delight.

Stairs. What Elizabeth started trying to climb when she was six months old.

Stares. What we get a lot of when we go to Target or CostCo with all of our children, or so says Carolyn.

Star Wars. David loves these movies, especially Episodes 4 and 5. The prequels: not so much.

Steve. The most handsome of all of the Tom and Linda Loertscher offspring. For a glimpse into his life, see “Airports,” “Golf,” “Knees,” “Major,” “Travel,” and “Sausage.”

Styling products. What 13-year-old David still refuses to touch, despite the possibilities of a Tom Hanks style with his curly hair. His parents keep trying to help him up his cool factor, but he will have none of it.

T

Teaching Textbooks. Rebecca’s favorite homeschool resource for teaching math.

Ten. How many miles Steve ran the morning after Christmas, trying to work off all of those Lindor truffles and other treats. See “John.”

TILT. Stands for Teens in Leadership Training—Carolyn and David get together with other homeschooled teens once a month for gospel-centered learning, food, and fun. Amy gets to attend “TWILT,” a version for “tweens”—the 8-11-year-old crowd. Tewiffic.

Travel. What Steve does a lot of these days. See “Airports.” The plus side is Steve gets to eat Indian food in small towns all over the United States, if he can find the local restaurant, usually called “Taj Palace.” Also something that makes the Utah Jazz lose lots of games, much to Steve’s chagrin.

Twelve. The number of washers and dryers Rebecca filled at the laundromat the week the washer died (the day we moved back to our house of course). Turns out she does even more laundry every week than she thought. Imagine in your mind a woman, grumpy and tired six-month-old in tow, unloading twelve loads of dirty laundry from the back of a 15-passenger van, who then discovers the laundromat’s coin changer doesn’t work. Thank goodness for cell phones, husbands, and a nearby car wash.

Two. The number of additional years we’re supposed to stay here in San Antonio, unless the JAG assignments people change their mind. We’re glad to be staying put, since we have done at least a partial move every year since 2005.

U

Underwear. What is John is wearing—finally. Steve deserves all the credit, but as a parent, cannot claim the $100 bonus offered to the family member who potty trained John. Steve has taken his own case on a contingency fee basis, but admits he will have a tough time in arbitration. The house budget committee chair has pointed out that she already let him buy new golf clubs this year so he could hand his old clubs down to David so they could play lots of golf together this summer. See “Golf” and “One Hundred.”

V

Very Late: Twelve months...this is how long it took us to send out last year’s Christmas photo card. Also describes how we stayed up writing this thing.

Volvo. What Rebecca accidently backed into the day of the first half-move. It was the neighbor’s car, a colonel, carefully washed each week. Whoops!

W

Walking. Baby Elizabeth recently broke all baby Loertscher records by taking unassisted steps the week before Christmas.

Wii. The Loertscher children squealed and jumped up and down with joy when they discovered this surprise under the Christmas tree this year. The generally anti-media parents think the Wii’s fun factor is worth it so far.

X

X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This is a movie we didn’t see this year. (OK, how many X things did you do this year? I guess I could have said that the kids played with a xylophone, a musical instrument that was apparently invented to fill that perplexing page on learn the alphabet books.)

Y

Young Men’s Program. Steve was recently released as scout master and put in as Young Men’s president. There are four active young men, and only four more inactive ones. Put that on your “You might not live in Idaho or Utah if...” list.

Z

Zero. The number of things we really have to complain about. We received many blessings in 2009 and we know God is taking care of us. We are so grateful to Him and His Son for all of our many blessings.