The Writing Games-Episode 2

William the Sparrow tweeted cheerfully on his branch. It was a lovely morning, and he made sure that everybody knew it. "Tweet, tweet! Chirp, Chirp!" he said.

Suddenly in his song he sung a note that made him think of fudge. Much lie the famous story "If You Give  a Mouse a Cookie," or even, "If You Give a Pig a Pancake," William knew that he would not be satisfied unless he had a piece of Mrs. McGillicutty's famous chocolate fudge with nuts.

"Slap! Slap! Slap!"

What was that? Someone was rudely slapping his tree trunk. He poked his head down through the leaves to give him (or her, for he was no sexist) the nastiest glare a sparrow could give.

All he could see was a large man holding a huge fish by the tail. The man swung the fish back and slapped it against the tree. "Slap! Slap!"

William squawked with displeasure, his inner housekeeper rising to the surface. Suddenly, the day seemed less bright, less cheery. And even fudge was fast losing its appeal. Who was this foul vagabond?

With a trill of pure fury, William dived off his branch. As he left the comforting pull of the wood and entered into Earth's atmosphere, he burst into flame, and gathered speed.

"My word! Look at them gooooo...BOOM!" Or not.

The End

The Writing Games, Episode 1

We've been playing a writing game lately. Every member of the family who can write (which takes us all the way down to our sixth, who happens to be six years old) has 90 seconds to write something, then the page gets passed along the the next person. The results are...well, you'll see for yourself.

"This is the best day ever!" That's what Sammy the Skunk said. You may be wondering what makes a skunk have a nice day. Is it having a chance to spray a surprised hiker? Or finding an especially nice trash can to dig through?

For Sammy, it was listening to old Disney soundtracks.

He snickered and twitched his tail to "I'll Make a Man Out of You." "Tranquil as a forest..." he warbled tunelessly.

Suddenly, the music faded, and ceased altogether. He frowned, displeased.

"Aw dang, that was my favorite part!" He peered over the window sill he was sitting on to find the CD player.

"I am afraid you won't be able to find your CD player," said a mysterious voice. Sammy the Skunk looked out of the window, searching for the newcomer. It was a cranky raccoon, all stinky smell and black stripes. "Hey you! My name's Frankie! And I have ninja skills!" he said, climbing up the side of the building that Sammy was on.

One look and Sammy knew his CD player was gone--perhaps he could get it later. He slammed the window shut, then ran to his bathroom, quivering. He couldn't relax until his bathroom door was locked. Maybe he would have a better day tomorrow.

Loertscher Post-Dispatch: Special South of the Border Edition

Now that Rebecca has entered the blogosphere and resurrected the old Post-Dispatch,she has asked me to write some stuff about my adventures here in Colombia. I'm not doing anything exciting like some more famous visitors to Colombia have, like catching the wrong bus to Cartgena or following a treasure map to find a giant emerald. I spend most of my free time trying to decide what to fix for dinner, which doesn't make for very exciting copy. But for those who are intensely curious about what I'm up to (and I'm sure there are lots of you out there), here are a few tidbits.

Last night I was pretty fed up with cooking my own food so I was determined to go out. I decided to go back to the Mall where Mike took me the first night I was here, but after I left our building I realized that I had left my cell phone behind. Since that’s a force protection problem, I decided to go to “Pan Pa’ Ya,” a bakery chain that serves meal along with selling bread. I bought what they call “Calentado Mixto.” A calentado is basically a rice dish with cut up meat and vegetables, some kind of sauce, and a fried egg on top. It was really good, and it was pretty cheap.

Yesterday I put a lot of miles on my creaky old knees. I went for a 50-minute run first thing in the morning, and then I hiked up to the temple, which is a little farther away from my house than the Church. Walking to that part of town creates few difficulties. First of all, the FP rules still have me a little paranoid and I feel pretty exposed just walking around for an hour at a time. Second, there is a freeway (la Autopista) to cross, so you have to look for a landbridge of some sort. There are also some canals you have to get over, including one just south of the Temple that I didn’t notice before, so I had to hike for a while to find a bridge I could take over. By the time I finally made it to the Temple I was pretty tired out, but it was still a wonderful experience. Attending a Spanish session requires me to pay more attention just to keep up with what’s going on.

I’m beginning to feel a little more familiar with the city during the commute. As I have gotten more acclimated to running at 8500 feet above sea level, I’ve actually begun to notice that I run past some of the apartments where other people in my shuttle route live. Bogota is a big city, and there’s a lot going on. One of the first things I’ve noticed is that the economy seems to be doing pretty well. There are lots of people walking around and going to the shops along the road on most nights. There is also a lot of construction going on throughout the city. On my street alone they are building two new high rise apartment buildings. The one time I went to the mall it was a Thursday night and the place was crawling with people. It almost seems to me that the economy here is better than it is back in the U.S., or rather consumer confidence seems higher here than in the U.S.

One thing I’ve noticed about the city: Bogatanos seem to have a very
entrepreneurial spirit. For example, while most people curse the horrible rush hour traffic, some folks have realized that it presents economic opportunities and they take full advantage of it. Every day there are people outselling snacks, flowers, brooms, and puffy feather dusters to motorists stranded at busy intersections. One of our embassy drivers told me that they used to sell cigarettes that way, but a recent law made it illegal to cell cigs outside of the package.

Now that’s not too unusual for a big city; I’ve seen the same thing in D.C., and to a lesser extent in San Antonio (although panhandlers seem to dominate the market there). There are a few new business ideas in play here that I have not seen before, however. There are street performers as well. There’s a guy who juggles clubs while riding a unicycle. There are a couple of guys that do a dance routine while wearing matching MC Hammer pants. I also saw three guys spinning some sticks around while standing on each other’s shoulders, and they displayed an amazing amount of skill.

But my favorite so far are the self-appointed traffic cops that work for tips at some of the busiest intersections. Here’s the setup. Let’s say you’re at an intersection that is so congested that once the light changes you still can’t get through because the drivers coming down the other street are still in the middle of the road. Never fear, your ad hoc traffic cop is here. They stand in the middle of the road, basically daring other drivers to run them over, while they block traffic so some people can get through. These guys generally make traffic worse for everybody, but they do manage to get paid by the motorists they help out. That would never work in the states; the cops would come down on you like a ton of bricks. But these guys are making a few pesos at it, for now.

2011...so far

Even though we finally got around to getting our 2010 "newsletter" out, so much has happened in 2011 already that we'd better update our activities!

2011 started as a fairly quiet year...Steve finally stopped traveling as he started a different job at the Air Force Environmental Field Support Center. Rebecca stopped feeling sick and entered those boring, middle-stage of pregnancy months. Still, the family managed to keep so busy! I remember when I was in college, one of my institute teachers told us to enjoy our lives as singles because that is when we would be the least busy. I was extremely skeptical...no longer.

In May of this year, we welcomed our new darling baby, Thomas Allen Loertscher. He is a sweet-natured baby, and the center of attention at home. His every move is reported to mother--he's smiling! he's spitting up! he's getting mad! and most exciting...he's pooping!
Here is a photo of baby Thomas in his natural habitat--balanced on his big brother's shoulder while he messes around on his computer (in this case, DOS Box).

With the Steve's departure for Bogota, Columbia for a six month deployment looming on the horizon, we decided to take some family time and head to Idaho. Rebecca was not thrilled at the prospect of dragging a five-week-old infant on a 3200 mile road trip (almost like she's done this before...), so she FLEW IN A PLANE ALL BY HERSELF AND AN INFANT while Steve drove the older seven children up to Idaho in the van.Here the kids pose outside the van on their way to Idaho:
The Idaho trip was necessarily short, as daddy could only get two weeks off work, but a huge success as far as everyone was concerned. We all had an amazing time visiting cousins, aunts and uncles, and enjoying the cooler weather.


We also blessed our new baby boy while we were there. Not only was he blessed at the same time as his new little cousin, but all of his Loertscher uncles were participants. It was a truly wonderful moment. Here, Bryan poses with the cape Grandma Linda made him. Awesome!


David started Drivers Ed shortly before his 15th birthday,
and has enjoyed driving the 15-passenger van (he says it's like flying the Millennium Falcon...not sure how he knows that). He and Steve went on a scouting High Adventure trip in March, which consisted of a campout in west Texas and a visit to Carlsbad Caverns. David, seen below, in his special avoid-the-Texas-sun-gear:


Carolyn made good progress in our pubic speaking class this year. Carolyn also worked hard in choir, memorizing music for the DC tour, performing a chorus part in an Opera.
She (usually) enjoys Young Womens, but is looking forward to turning 14 this fall and attending stake dances. She has decided to try high school work this year, so will be starting seminary in a few weeks with David. Below, Carolyn poses before a performance at the National Cathedral in DC.


Amy looked forward with great excitement to this summer--not only did she have the tour to Washington DC to look forward to, but when she got home, she could go to the pool here in our neighborhood ALL BY HERSELF!
She has been waiting for three summers for this opportunity. Amy continues to be a delightful young lady who is a tremendous help to her mother, especially while daddy is in South America. Below, Amy poses during a hike on the Ranch in July.
Amy at Canyon Lake, near San Antonio, with family and friends this past May.


The two older girls with some of their girl cousins on a hike on the ranch:


Here, Lauren expresses her pure joy at being somewhere besides Texas--in this case, Colorado (our deepest apologies to our beloved Texas friends).

The smaller children enjoyed going to the pool this summer with daddy while mommy recuperated at home from the arrival of the new baby.Daddy has been working with the little kids the last two summers, teaching them to swim. They are pretty comfortable in the water now, they just need some addtional practice and refining of their swim strokes. Mother finally got around to signing them up for swim lessons this summer shortly after daddy left.

John recently turned five, and is enjoying all the blessing attendant to this age.He has calmed down a little bit over the past year, which is good, since mother is now juggling three crazies on the church benches alone these days. He loves his new baby brother and frequently entertains him while mother does something quickly that requires two hands (hmmm...that would be almost everything!).

Elizabeth, a.k.a. the "Bun," is a now two years old and keeps her mama hoppin'. We recently found the book "Olivia" at a thrift store...we wonder if Olivia is our Bun's secret twin sister. She loves to change clothes, and change her own diapers. She happiest in a dress--but only if it's pink.

So, this is ONE of the projects Rebecca has been working on since Steve left...searching, planning, purchasing, and organizing school work for six children. Can you tell we read a lot of books?

Of course, as much as we love homeschool, it is still a challenge--this is what David is doing when mother thinks he's doing Algebra II in his bedroom:

Review of Our Family of (mostly) 2010

We can blame the lateness of the 2010-11 edition on Rebecca enjoying the walking death (also known as “morning” sickness—ha!) most of fall 2010, as we are looking forward to number eight this June! What a great surprise! Strangely, no one seems as surprised as we were, because as Steve pointed out, once you have seven kids, everyone just assumes you will probably have more (Rebecca is not sure about that one). We just found out our anticipated little one is a boy—which will make us four and four! Just what we wanted!

The smallest Loertscher in our family, Elizabeth, or “The Bun,” is a delight to all, complete with a very strong personality, and a very well developed sense of fashion. Our first girl with brown eyes! Recently turned 21 months old, it is amazing to see how someone so small can find her place in such a large family so easily. She manhandles her older brothers (ages 4 and 6) with ease—pushing them off chairs, stealing their toys, controlling their unwelcome movements with screams of disdain and fury. Her older sisters (ages 9, 11, and 13), she convinces to carry her about at will by applying the ever-useful “Koala” move (think Koala on a eucalyptus tree—clinging desperately to your every limb with all fours—and you get the drift). Her oldest brother she alternately loves or hates, depending on her mood, and whether or not he is playing a computer game she likes. He most often receives the “Celery” move (ramrod stiff body, arms in air, fingers wiggling, screams reverberating). Our Bun has not learned to say more than ten words so far, but she is very smart, as evidenced by her constant use of tools to get what she wants. Mother’s supply of sugar-free gum and Burt’s Bees lip balm are never safe with Bun awake. Bathroom stools, food storage buckets, and dining chairs are all fair game for the intrepid Bun. Our darling baby, when not keeping mother constantly busy wondering where she is and what she is doing, loves to look at books and be read to. She also loves all babies and all animals.

Our youngest son, John, is now 4 ½ and growing up fast. His obsession with vehicles from the movie “Cars” is waning, but not completely extinguished. Father and mother used to never go to bed at night without moving a Mater or paint-chipped “Kachow,” but it is fortunately becoming less and less frequent. John also loves to look at books (unfortunately, “Calvin and Hobbes” is a big draw). Amazingly, after a few short phonics lessons from mother, John taught himself to read simple words last spring. He and mother work do “school work” a few times a week, where John is learning to read more words. He loves numbers, and taught himself to count to one hundred this fall. Mother was especially amazed at her little “genius” for a few weeks when he rattled off his +2, doubles, and double +1 math facts—but it turned out he was just able to see the answer on the other side as the light showed through the card.

Mother is much smarter now, and drills children with the math facts flat on the table. John also loves puzzles and playdoh, and constantly informing the family when their media choices are “inappropriate”—a word he can hardly pronounce—because they have love or kissing in them.

Bryan, 6 ½, is a constant surprise to his family, mostly because of his comments during sharing time in Primary. All of the 2010 additions to the Loertscher-Family-Bad-Word-Repertoire have been put there because of our darling boy: “I’m bored!” and “Nobody loves me!” Bryan loves math, science, inventions, and reading. He is truly gifted in many ways, but constantly reminds us of his maturity level at the dinner table, where he seems to feel like Oliver Twist with a bit of watery gruel when presented with hot, healthy, balanced meals three times a day (we guess at least one kid out of seven have to be picky, right?). Our favorite recent Bryan story is his report of a Primary class, where a somewhat unprepared teacher decided to play hangman with the class of first graders (hint for unprepared primary teachers: first graders can’t spell). On Bryan’s turn, his choice of word was “Mesopotamia”—and why not? Sadly, none of his classmates could spell it, read it, or knew what it meant; but at least the process took up a lot of class time.

Lauren just turned nine, and is in third grade. 2010 was an important year for her, as she got baptized on Valentine’s Day. She is growing up quickly and maturing in many ways. She enjoys cooking, listening to books on CD, playing with friends, and playing imaginative games with her younger siblings. Lauren has struggled with learning to read, but the last few months her reading has taken off and now she is enjoying simple chapter books. Mother is grateful for her loving and generous spirit, especially when she directs aforementioned siblings in creative games that take hours: detective games, “cat” and “dog” games, where everyone is a kitten or puppy and she is their mother, and picnics (mother doesn’t like these quite as much, as somehow the ENTIRE encyclopedia set is needed to keep the blanket-tent in place).

Amy turned eleven at the end of the year and is now in 5th—or sort of 6th—grade. Amy is supposed to be in 5th because her birthday is in November, but she was doing so well in her studies, is so responsible, and such a wonderful reader, mother moved her up this year. So far she is handling it very well, even when having to complete two math lessons a day to finish a 6th grade math course by the end of the year. Amy is a delightful child, and we are so happy to see her growing up so well. The most exciting thing that happened to Amy this year was SHE GOT HER EARS PIERCED. The ear piercing involved weeks of anticipation (How much will it hurt?), a squealing scene in Walmart during the actual event, and almost daily discussions afterwards regarding the timing of earring removal (Can I take them out yet? How about now? How long has it been now?), culminating with unfortunate discovery that those first earrings are really hard to get out (it took over two weeks—whew!). Amy’s life is filled with school work, making crafts, piano practicing, cooking, and her favorite, TEXAS CHILDREN’S CHOIR (drum roll, please). TCC is a wonderful organization, and we are glad to be associated with it. She and her big sister Carolyn will be traveling to Washington, DC for 13 days this June on a choir tour.

Carolyn, our oldest daughter, turned thirteen in November. She, like Amy, has been excitedly anticipating the TCC tour to DC for over a year now. Carolyn is growing up into such a nice young lady. She is kind, responsible, helpful, and diligent with her school work.

Carolyn is a favorite with her younger siblings, as she often takes the time to make creations for them (a cardboard “laptop” for a doll, for example, complete with different screens that change in and out behind a “screen” of plastic wrap). She has just grazed 5’10” and hasn’t grown for a few months, so it’s possible she’s reached her full height (we’ve been wondering!). She has really enjoyed being in Young Women’s this past year, and especially loved her first year at girls’ camp. Being in the Texas Children’s Choir keeps her very busy, as well as her drawing and writing activities. She has a natural love and ability for both, and almost every night when all the other children are asleep, mother finds Carolyn’s lamp on...and Carolyn is awake doing one or the other (a natural night owl like her father, seminary when it starts will be difficult!).

We can, finally, after almost 16 years of parenting, report to our friends of much younger children that YES, THEY REALLY DO GROW UP FAST. Our oldest son, David, will be 15 in just a few weeks. We cannot believe how strange or old this sounds. Even stranger was signing David up for driver’s ed a few weeks ago. David, however, seems to be taking it all in stride—he almost seems glad! Hey! Stop growing up!

Ninth-grader David had an interesting year. He enjoyed a forty-five mile hike this summer for high adventure through some Texas “mountains” (he counts the extra side hikes to a working outhouse). He achieved the rank of life scout. He attended his first youth conference and hit most of the stake dances. He bought a mother board, processor, case, and scavenged additional parts from the shed to create his own computer. He constantly schemed of ways to combine new and faster technology with his favorite operating system (Windows 98).
He progressed on his piano adventures to the point that he can play most themes from his favorite computer games, an accomplishment that renders him popular among other young men his age. More importantly, mother thinks, he played in Sacrament meeting this year and has far surpassed her abilities on the piano. David also started seminary this fall, something he loves but mother does not so much due to the early morning hours (she only threw up once, thank goodness). He keeps very busy with Algebra II and Biology, as well as the constant stack of books and assignments given to him by mother in a variety of other subjects (geography! public speaking! german!). As a whole, David is a delightful young man and he sets a wonderful example for his younger siblings, or a frightful stub, depending on who you ask (and Carolyn has only beaten him at chess twice).

What are the parents up to, you might ask? The first part of Steve’s 2010 was spent attending public scoping meetings for bedding down the Air Force’s F-35 training mission. This took him to many interesting places in Arizona (Surprise, El Mirage, Tucson, Thatcher, Sierra Vista, San Carlos, Bisbee, Wickenburg, Gila Bend); New Mexico (Alamogordo, Carizozo, Cloudcroft, Roswell, Carlsbad, Ruidoso, Ft. Sumner); and Idaho(!) (Boise, Meridian, Marsing, Bruneau). He met many interesting people who had a lot to say about the proposal. Steve also moved from his old job on Randolph to a new office near Lackland AFB. He’s been doing cultural and natural resource work for the last six months or so, but will be moving over to the hazardous materials management branch soon, which is, strangely enough, something akin to a promotion. The new job is interesting, but the commute is almost exactly 100 times longer than it used to be (.25 miles versus 25 miles). Steve had a variety of “old man” pains this year, including flare-ups in his trick knee and bone spur surgery on an ankle. In spite of the injuries, he still manages to play a little basketball and has been able to run some longer distances this year, including 13 miles two days after Christmas. Steve’s surgeon was surprised but smugly self-satisfied when he heard Steve had run 5 miles about two months post op. He had a “Yeah, I’m good” look on his face; maybe Steve’ll be an OPR bullet or something.

Steve was also recently released as ward Young Men’s President, as he is facing a likely upcoming deployment, which may or may not coincide with the birth of baby number eight (we’re still waiting to hear!).
Rebecca was released in September from the Primary presidency, which was a sad time after working for over two years with such wonderful women and children, but welcome at the same time as she slid into the abyss of nausea. Rebecca currently serves as the Primary pianist, and Steve as the Priest Quorum advisor. Their combined eleven families to home and visit teach should keep them busy in their “new” spare time.


The mother of the Loertscher family kept busy this year, as usual. The first half of the year was very busy sending daddy out the door just about every other weekend on temporary duty trips (see above), and managing the family alone while he was gone. The school year ended for the family around June, although A FEW UNNAMED CHILDREN had to do school work through the summer to make up for a bit of naughtiness during the school year. June was spent completely re-organizing the house, which hadn’t been done since the last baby arrived on the scene, and changing up the kid bedroom scene with some rearranging and redecoration (IKEA!). Trying to fit five, then six, children into two bedrooms with virtually no closet space is not an easy task! In her free time, as David declined to attend the local high school this year, Rebecca researched the myriad of options for homeschooling high school on the internet, and then frustrated with the lack of affordable, quality options, decided to plan and do it herself. We all decided to take a break from this in the middle of July, when we spontaneously planned and left on the GRAND LOERTSCHER TOUR OF 2010.
After returning from our trip toward the end of August, she frantically planned, organized, and ordered home school materials for six children. Rebecca also began teaching a public speaking class to eight homeschooled teens besides her own, which has been really fun. This January, the family started attending a local home school enrichment co-op with over 100 children offered one morning a week. Everyone has really enjoyed this.
Easily the most exciting thing our family did this year, the GRAND LOERTSCHER TOUR OF 2010 included seven states, 5500 miles, nine hotels, one campground, and lasted five weeks. Rebecca thought it would be fun to do most of this herself (since we’re already out west, why not stay a while...), since Steven could get less than two weeks off work, but she found out about half way through the alone part that maybe she was a little ambitious (note to self). This was brought home to her in an unexpected way when she crossed the Hoover Dam and was asked to pull over for an extra security check because of the length of our van.
The security guard asked her to open the back of the van...and found...a giant wall of stuff (suitcases, sleeping bags, tents, a camp stove, inflatable mattresses, pillows, a double stroller, bags of dirty laundry, bags of clean laundry, towels, paper goods, cold cereal, swim suits, all hastily shoved in for the next leg of our trip). Puzzled, the security guard stood silently for a moment. Rebecca does not look like a terrorist—we’re not supposed to profile--and this conglomeration of items could be an unusual (and thoroughly ingenious!) bomb cloaking device. She finally said, somewhat embarrassed at the mess, “I’ve traveled 3500 miles with seven kids by myself for three weeks.” Quietly, the guard closed the van door (we could only open one!), and she was given permission to continue.

Actually, it sounds crazy (it was), but it went much better than could be expected, and the kids were completely awesome. The absolute hardest part was doing the laundry for eight people on the road. Why, oh why, do most hotels only have two washers and dryers?

Our trip was made a bit longer by the somewhat unexpected death of Rebecca’s grandfather at the beginning of August. Already in Tucson right before the graveside service, she decided to turn back north instead of heading home to Texas, and she and the children paid their last respects to this man who had been such a part of her and her older children’s lives. It was very nice to visit Cache Valley again and see relatives from years past.

Highlights of the trip included visiting COUSINS, of course, and hanging out on the ranch in Idaho; a visit to USU and Logan Canyon; Cherry Hill water park and campground in Layton, UT; The Church History Museum in Salt Lake (Welfare Square was a bust—the younger four were removed mid-tour by an embarrassed mother); a visit to the BYU and the Bean Science Museum (thanks, Uncle Brad!); the Phoenix Science Museum, Mount Lemmon in Tucson, and the Grand Canyon (John: “Look, Mom, it’s a big hole!”); the many hotel pools, a trip to the Cache County fair, visiting with friends in Colorado Springs, and one of the favorite stops was “Melanie’s House” in Lewiston, UT (she has goats and chickens, a large sand box, a working Model A truck, and is an awesome cook—this explains it all). The only really bad thing that occurred was that daddy inexplicably flew home with the family camera, leaving us with virtually no record of our journeys. Sigh....

We hope you all have had a wonderful year. We miss our many friends and family left all over the country. If you have made it this far into our family newsletter, it’s unbelievable, but it was just such a fun-filled and exciting year for us we just had to share. We have been blessed in so many ways, but most especially with the gospel.

Loertscher ABCs for 2009

A

Airports. Where Steve loves to hang out, trying not to eat a Cinnabon or watch Headline news. Steve recently spent ten hours in the Atlanta Airport because his connection was canceled and delayed and eventually rerouted to a different destination and...never mind. It’s not that interesting and he’s already complained about it to everyone who might pretend to listen.

Amy. Amy recently turned ten. She is an amazing kid. Helpful, responsible, resourceful, kind, loving, a great student, an artist, a beautiful voice and blazing through her piano books, Amy has many gifts. Memorizing math facts—not so much. But then hey, nobody’s perfect!

B

Bored. What Grandma Linda was while she watched a very pregnant Rebecca not have a baby for a week this year in April. Not even a morning of hiking around the Alamo in the heat made that baby come. The baby finally came the day before Grandma flew back to Idaho. See also “Elizabeth” below. Bored is also what Bryan says he always is, which John has apparently decided is pretty cool because he’s saying it now, along with “It’s not fair,” another Bryan-ism.

Breakfast Burritos: This is what our scout troop has on very campout, causing the boys to consider changing names from the “Beaver Patrol” to the “Tortilla Patrol.”

Bryan. Just when the parents thought their offspring couldn’t get any more interesting, number five started to grow up...and constantly amazes us with his creativity, intelligence, and personality. Bryan is hard to describe, he needs to be experienced. Also known for asking a one-star general, “How do you know all of our names?” during a promotion ceremony (see “Major”).

C

Carolyn. Balloon twisting. Face painting. Sculpting with wire. Sketching on her sketch pad. These are all things Carolyn is often found doing. Now that Carolyn is 12, she is our second babysitter, which makes the parents (and David) exceedingly happy. She likes to paint, read, paint the faces of family and friends, twist balloons, smile, sing, play piano, draw, and much, much more! The whole family got a new video camera for Christmas, so she plans to make great strides with that by making amusing movies with friends. She likes P.G. Wodehouse stories about Jeeves and Wooster. (By this time you can get a pretty good idea on what kind of kid she is! ) She has started origami, and loves to create things with paper, including, gremlins, chocolate covered ants , dragons, flying dogs, walking boats, and a whole lot more! (This report was created by Carolyn herself!)

Co-op. We are involved in a homeschool co-op this year that most of the children enjoy very much (party poopers will not be identified). We meet weekly and the moms teach each other’s children. The little boys do crafts and preschool type stuff, Lauren does history and science, and the older three do art, psychology, and economics. Rebecca teaches music to the younger children as her contribution to the co-op.

Conversation. What we try to have at the dinner table, although it often goes something like this:

Amy: (after ten minutes) “And that was the end of my dream, and I woke up!”

Lauren: (randomly, frowning) “You said you saw a walnut drummer talent fairy in your dream. They don’t really have those.”

Amy: (getting angry) “Yes they do. You just don’t remember.”

Mom: (trying to help the so-called-conversation along) “That’s an interesting dream Amy.

I would have never thought of that in a million years.”

Bryan: (randomly) “Mom, did you know that if a million kids stood on top of each other, they would reach almost to the moon?”

David: (our new physical science expert, annoyed) “Bryan, any of those kids really reached outer space, the internal pressure that keeps their heads equalized under the Earth’s atmosphere would make their heads explode.”

Bryan: “Hmmm.”

Mom: (Holding head in hands) “When is daddy coming home?” (See “Travel” and “Airports”)

Corpus Christi. Where we took a mini-vacation for the second year in a row (see “Granny”). We had a great time and can’t wait to go back next year!

D

David. Dad told me to type a few sentences about how I`m the best kid this side of the galaxy. Well, here goes. Probably the highlight of my year was getting a Wii for Christmas, accompanied by going to Church on Sunday and getting “Arguing with Idiots”, Glenn Beck’s awesome book, for Christmas . My Lego Star Wars collection is expanding all the time. Last time I checked, it included three Millennium Falcons (I`ve made a few special modifications myself), three X-wing Fighters, two Y-wing Star fighters, two Snow speeders, a Tie Fighter, a Tie Interceptor, Darth Vader’s Tie Fighter, a Imperial Landing Craft, a complete Echo Base, and a B-wing star fighter. It may not look like much but it’s got it where it counts, kid.

Dog. We got a new one of these last winter. Sadly, it was advertized as housetrained, but we quickly found out the opposite was true. The new dog didn’t stick around long enough to lose the antecedent adjective, and found a new home (we hope) after three weeks (see “Pound”). A very pregnant Rebecca then spent weeks steam cleaning area rugs. Steve learned once again that his favorite kind of dog is the kind that belongs to someone else.

E

Elizabeth. New baby Elizabeth Catherine joined our family April 24 of this year. She was a week over due and finally came through induction. A very easy delivery and our beautiful baby girl was finally here! She was 9 lb. 4 oz. For some reason, we’ve given her the nickname “Bun.” She is so grown up already, and source of constant delight to all family members.

F

Facebook. Steve found many of Rebecca’s old college roommates and friends from the many wards we have lived in, and she was hooked. Unlike everyone else on the planet, we don’t play Farmville, so there’s no need to tell us about the lonely cow or ugly duckling you found that needs a home.

Fairies. Disney’s latest marketing ploy took our house by storm this year. Thank goodness (sort of) we’re able to get the books from the public library. We asked Lauren to help us find a “Christmas Newsletter Talent” (see “Very Late” below), but there weren’t any hanging around the Home Tree, so we were on our own.

Family portrait. What our family seems to be unable to take a good one of. Rebecca spent over a month planning a special family Christmas picture...matching dresses for the little girls...matching jackets for the boys...matching cardigans for the big girls...matching sweaters for mommy and daddy. Then Amy cried three hours’ worth of tears in ten minutes that morning because mother insisted she brush her hair thoroughly (see “Hair”), and John wouldn’t hold still, and the baby wouldn’t look at the camera, and the lighting wasn’t right...you can see the amusing results on this blog.

Food storage. What we finally got enough of.

Friday nights. What Steve and Rebecca (and the kids) look forward to every week...date night! Chipotle, anyone?

G

Glenn Beck. What David likes to listen to while he does his algebra in the morning.

Golf. A new obsession which has taken over our home. Steven is very interested in playing but can’t seem to find the time to go. I wonder why! Steve did get a chance to play in a scramble with some guys who turned out be closet PGA tour pros, since they won in spite of Steve’s tendency to “fade” his shots to the right (a tad). David and Amy are doing a youth golf clinic on base over the Holidays.

Granny. Rebecca’s 83-year-old grandmother, Granny Robinson, came to see us for two weeks this fall. Having recently survived some major health crises, including several types of cancer and accompanying surgeries and treatments, we were grateful she was up to it. We spent three days in Corpus Christi and had lots of fun.

H

Hard drive. What we got a new one of when our last one crashed, taking our newsletter from last winter with it (See “Very late”). The problem with the computer actually turned out to be the EIDE controller on the mother board (which was charred by some sort of short), so we pretty much had to start from scratch.

Hair. What mother has a lot less of and the three big girls have a lot more of. A new baby meant ten minutes flat ironing the ‘do was no longer an option, so Rebecca decided it was time to cut it off. What a relief! The girls have wanted long hair for years, but mother’s rule is big hair=big care. Summary: if you can’t keep it clean and brushed, you aren’t old enough to have long hair. I guess they’re finally old enough. Usually. (See “Family Portrait”)

Hippopotamus: An animal Lauren loves to read about. (See “Lauren.”)

Homeschool. What we’re doing...again...our eighth year.

I

Idaho. Where our family went for Christmas last year on the spur of the moment, which is the excuse we’re making as to why no one received last year’s photo newsletter from 2008. It was a wonderful, 3500-mile whirlwind trip filled with cousins, in-laws, and blizzards.

Idaho, part 2. Where our family plans to go this coming summer for up to a month. The kids will be thrilled beyond words to see their cousins.

Indian food. What Steve loves whenever he can get it, specifically chicken tikka masala.

J

John. A very resourceful three-year-old. Christmas day, after eating all of his own candy, John secretly devoured his brother’s stocking candy and ate half of his Blue Diamond smoked almonds. The next day, John got up earlier than his big sister Carolyn (not hard to do) and ate all the remaining Lindor truffles from her Christmas stocking. This wasn’t discovered until later, but it explained why he said “I’m sick” all morning, refused breakfast, and later went to sleep for two hours. John is pretty spunky (we used to lovingly call him “Atilla”) and he loves the Pixar movie “Cars.” Kachow!

K

Kate the Karate. An imaginary hero of Lauren’s invention. She’s a heavily armed martial arts expert with supernatural powers who combats “Doo,” an arch villain of Bryan’s invention whose favorite color is yellow. Don’t ask why; you don’t want to know. Sounds like these kids need to watch more “Dora the Explorer.”

Knees. Steve’s are getting old and creaky, and he’s had to cut back on his basketball exploits in an effort to get 12 more years of running out of them so he can stay in the Air Force long enough to retire, which sources say he’s planning to do. See also “Golf.”

L

Lauren. She’s seven these days and in the second grade. Her reading has improved tremendously this year and she’s been immersed in reading “George and Martha” and “Magic Treehouse” stories. She’s very creative (see “Kate the Karate”), and loves to draw. She also loves helping with Baby Elizabeth and in the kitchen, and is a joy to have in our family.

Laptop. What David thinks he needs and his parents gently suggest he earn the money for.

Legos. David’s obsession for the past eight years. Maybe he’ll lose his interest in them by the time he’s old enough to date, but we’re not holding our breath. Instead, we’re thinking about buying stock in the company. (See also "Star Wars")

M

Major. Steven’s new rank in the military as of March this year. A general was in town and officiated at the pin-on ceremony, much to Rebecca’s consternation, as this meant she had to keep six kids completely quiet and solemn for a long ceremony while she was 36 weeks pregnant. The general kindly commented that our little boys were “pistols” after his interview with them. Sigh. At least no one threw up.

Mosquitoes. We have tons of them in our yard. You can’t take out the trash without getting attacked six months of the year. They keep the kids from playing outside most of the summer.

Moving. What we did twice this year while they renovated the kitchen and laundry area in our on-base house. We didn’t have to completely move out, but it was still a major project. Six weeks later we moved back in. Rebecca might recover by next summer. Bonus—it’s fun to have a nice new kitchen and more cupboards than she really needs for the first time in nine years.

N

The National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA). What Steve knows more about than he cares to, since it’s what he spends about half of his time worrying about at work.

Normalcy. What Rebecca has been wondering will ever return since the birth of baby number 7.

O

One Hundred. How hot it was for 60 days in a row in San Antonio. Our relatives in Arizona won’t be sympathetic, but hey, it’s a humid heat around here. Steve discovered why you can take the whole family to play golf on base in the summer for about $5: you run the risk of burning your hands on your club handles.

Organized. Rebecca is wondering whether this will ever describe us again since the birth of baby number 7 and two half-moves in six weeks. We did throw away some of our junk drawer stuff from three moves ago, so we’re calling that progress.

P

P.G. Wodehouse. An author whose “Jeeves and Wooster” stories the three big kids love listening to on audio book and watching on A&E DVDs. “Ha jolly ha with knobs on,” as Bertie Wooster would say to his cousin “Stiffy” Bing.

Pacifiers. After six kids, Rebecca finally discovered the joy of the pacifier. The new baby took to it like a champ and how wonderful it is! Recently the little sweetie woke up too early from a nap, spied the “pacie” on the pillow in front of her face, popped it in and went right back to sleep. Although we lose them at an unbelieveable rate, they are well worth the investment.

Paul Shanklin. One of the kids favorite musical artists, although his songs require a lot of explanation about the political climate of the 1990s. Does this count as a history lesson?

Piano. The only lessons we’re currently taking. All three children have improved so much during the last year, and love their teacher. They all recently had a recital and did a lovely job. David is the only “man” in the ward who can play any sort of hymn (the priesthood brethren have sung the same few hymns (you guessed it, “Sweet Hour of Prayer” and “Choose the Right”) each week all year, but David is thinking about branching out).

Polymer. A science kit Carolyn got for Christmas has part of our kitchen full of this yucky, slimy, rubbery stuff. If you need a birthday present calculated to settle a personal vendetta against someone for inviting your child to the fourth birthday party in two weeks (!), let us know and we’ll tell you where you can find it.

Pool. Really, the only place to hang out for the hot Texas summer. Steven taught Lauren and Bryan to mostly swim this summer, saving the family budget a chunk of change and having fun in the process. Carolyn gloried in her ability to go to the pool by herself (kids have to be 11) and attended often, perfecting her dives and completely wearing out her only cute, modest swimsuit.

Pound. See “Dog.”

Q

Quiet. This is what it was just before midnight on Christmas Eve. For a few hours.

R

Rebecca. Rebecca is very busy trying to keep up with schooling the kids, managing the house, and keeping her husband content and out of trouble. She still manages to read parenting books and make beautiful jewelry whenever she gets a chance. Rebecca is second counselor in the primary presidency, which gives her plenty of opportunities to exhibit her many skills and quirky sense of humor that the kids don’t get but the teachers appreciate. (Editorial comments provided by the husband.)

Reverence. What we’ve been trying to teach John all year, with seeming little effect. Although he will usually sit through a Sacrament meeting now. Although not quite on par with the miracle of feeding the 5,000, it’s close. E-mail us to ask us how!

RSV. What the four younger children contracted in November. We survived relatively unscathed...three of them ended up with double ear infections, and the baby spent a morning at the Pediatricians getting a breathing treatment.

S

Sausage. Dad started saying “Sausage!” randomly a year or so ago. No one knows what it means, but now it’s his shtick and we all expect him to say it. He got sausage for his birthday because of this.

Scout Camp. Where David spent eight days again this summer, longing for his mother and a decent roll of toilet paper. Steve was there as Scoutmaster and spent eight days longing for A/C and a decent mattress. David is currently a Star rank and will be a Life after he puts in some more time in rank and some service hours.

Singing. What we’ve heard a lot of since our two older girls joined the Texas Children’s Choir this summer. They have three hours of practice a week. This is a community choir that performs at many events. They sound absolutely amazing. The girls are looking forward to going on tour summer 2011, and in the mean time, tell their daddy that he is singing his vowels wrong, a comment that almost immediately elicits off-key sounds emitting from daddy.

Snow. What the kids miss the most about living in Texas. Although it did snow here in San Antonio for about seven minutes a month ago for the first time in 24 years. This snow flurry caused all formerly-school-work-doing children to rush outside with great swiftness, shoes forgotten, heads tilted toward the sky, squealing with delight.

Stairs. What Elizabeth started trying to climb when she was six months old.

Stares. What we get a lot of when we go to Target or CostCo with all of our children, or so says Carolyn.

Star Wars. David loves these movies, especially Episodes 4 and 5. The prequels: not so much.

Steve. The most handsome of all of the Tom and Linda Loertscher offspring. For a glimpse into his life, see “Airports,” “Golf,” “Knees,” “Major,” “Travel,” and “Sausage.”

Styling products. What 13-year-old David still refuses to touch, despite the possibilities of a Tom Hanks style with his curly hair. His parents keep trying to help him up his cool factor, but he will have none of it.

T

Teaching Textbooks. Rebecca’s favorite homeschool resource for teaching math.

Ten. How many miles Steve ran the morning after Christmas, trying to work off all of those Lindor truffles and other treats. See “John.”

TILT. Stands for Teens in Leadership Training—Carolyn and David get together with other homeschooled teens once a month for gospel-centered learning, food, and fun. Amy gets to attend “TWILT,” a version for “tweens”—the 8-11-year-old crowd. Tewiffic.

Travel. What Steve does a lot of these days. See “Airports.” The plus side is Steve gets to eat Indian food in small towns all over the United States, if he can find the local restaurant, usually called “Taj Palace.” Also something that makes the Utah Jazz lose lots of games, much to Steve’s chagrin.

Twelve. The number of washers and dryers Rebecca filled at the laundromat the week the washer died (the day we moved back to our house of course). Turns out she does even more laundry every week than she thought. Imagine in your mind a woman, grumpy and tired six-month-old in tow, unloading twelve loads of dirty laundry from the back of a 15-passenger van, who then discovers the laundromat’s coin changer doesn’t work. Thank goodness for cell phones, husbands, and a nearby car wash.

Two. The number of additional years we’re supposed to stay here in San Antonio, unless the JAG assignments people change their mind. We’re glad to be staying put, since we have done at least a partial move every year since 2005.

U

Underwear. What is John is wearing—finally. Steve deserves all the credit, but as a parent, cannot claim the $100 bonus offered to the family member who potty trained John. Steve has taken his own case on a contingency fee basis, but admits he will have a tough time in arbitration. The house budget committee chair has pointed out that she already let him buy new golf clubs this year so he could hand his old clubs down to David so they could play lots of golf together this summer. See “Golf” and “One Hundred.”

V

Very Late: Twelve months...this is how long it took us to send out last year’s Christmas photo card. Also describes how we stayed up writing this thing.

Volvo. What Rebecca accidently backed into the day of the first half-move. It was the neighbor’s car, a colonel, carefully washed each week. Whoops!

W

Walking. Baby Elizabeth recently broke all baby Loertscher records by taking unassisted steps the week before Christmas.

Wii. The Loertscher children squealed and jumped up and down with joy when they discovered this surprise under the Christmas tree this year. The generally anti-media parents think the Wii’s fun factor is worth it so far.

X

X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This is a movie we didn’t see this year. (OK, how many X things did you do this year? I guess I could have said that the kids played with a xylophone, a musical instrument that was apparently invented to fill that perplexing page on learn the alphabet books.)

Y

Young Men’s Program. Steve was recently released as scout master and put in as Young Men’s president. There are four active young men, and only four more inactive ones. Put that on your “You might not live in Idaho or Utah if...” list.

Z

Zero. The number of things we really have to complain about. We received many blessings in 2009 and we know God is taking care of us. We are so grateful to Him and His Son for all of our many blessings.